Youth crimes

8 Aug

I was in the shower last week (god, talk about turning off the reader in the first sentence) on automatic pilot, staring at nothing and thinking of less.

My gaze fell upon my shampoo bottle and two small words jumped out and smacked me on my freshly shampooed head:6a00d8341ed39853ef01156f22d22d970c-320wi

Age Defying.

It’s comforting to think that as the rest of me creeps steadily down the path towards assisted living, my hair will still pull the hostesses at Earl’s.

Seriously, how can a shampoo claim such nonsense? Where’s the shame? It’s a Life Brand product on top of everything else. It didn’t even get infused with goose placenta in some French laboratory. It’s from Shoppers for pete sakes!

A quick visit to the store confirmed that we can also buy toothpastes, shaving creams, and vitamins that Defy Aging. And men, these are just the ones marketed to us. Women’s products number in the hundreds.

These days, everything that doesn’t overtly hasten you towards The End can be labelled Age Defying and marked up 22%. It’s criminal.

Hm. I think I’m starting to see a new strategic vision for the agency.

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